Divorce happens. Nowadays it’s rare to find someone who truly thinks their marriage vows are above the law. So many people will never steal from a store but they’ll cheat on their spouse in a heartbeat. They’ll lie about a purchase. They’ll block their partner’s exit. They’ll strangle their partner claiming it was for their own protection. They’ll spit in their partner’s face in front of kids and claim it didn’t really happen when kids ask questions. What’s worse is their family & friends will take their side & believe the lies that there must have been a reason they were driven to cheat, lie, or abuse them. But…when are people going to realize the children have nothing to do with it?
I am happy for any and every ex of mine who has settled down in a new relationship. I’m even happier when I know they’re not doing the things that doomed our relationship, because that meant they at least learned from us! Just because someone wasn’t right for me does not mean they’re not right for anyone. I have quite a few friends who are exes, either we were just too young, we realized we just weren’t meant to be, or he was overwhelmed by my kids! I’ve dated men with kids and if the kids still stay in touch I talk to them. The kids had nothing to do with it.
However, it’s crazy when you’re divorced, papers and all, and you’re belittling a child your ex has with his or her new partner. That baby has done absolutely nothing to you. Chances are the new partner has done absolutely nothing to you. Maybe you’re upset because your ex decided to lie to you. Maybe you are upset because they seem happy & you wanted them to wallow in self pity when you moved on. But, the kids had nothing to do with it.
One thing I’ve learned from my time in the Army & dealing with couples divorcing from different states is the kids suffer. One parent decides they’re better off in their comfort zone and the kids are torn. They love their lives with their established friends, doctors, sports, etc…but they also love their parents. One of the hardest things to hear from your babies is the fact that they know their one parent will never move so they hope you can move closer to them just so they have both parents. The thing is…the parent who NEEDS to hear this pain from the children doesn’t. Or chooses not to. The kids end up suffering and feeling they have to choose…either their friends, half of their family, the other half of their family, or just a new place to start away from it all. And the kids had nothing to do with it.
I get divorce sucks. I get breakups suck. I had a man have me convinced I was his world and I gave up everything only to find out there were multiple women getting fed the same story. It was hard to deal with at first…especially when you get targeted by others outside of the relationship who never truly knew what went down. But, if you’re taking the photos of your ex and his new family and making up lies about them you may want to figure out what is making you feel that way. Of course you want to hate the other woman, especially if you know deep down he may still love you or may be using her until his discard…but, when exes target each other & continue to attack each other the kids suffer. And those kids had nothing to do with it.
The kids are innocent. They deserve love. They deserve surprises. They deserve to feel like they’re your whole world…so that if something happens they don’t end up as an adult with mommy or daddy issues…because the kids had nothing to do with it.