There have been quite a few things that have gone on in my life & have taught me a great deal. I’m going to share my top 10 lessons I’ve learned.
1. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they love you the same way.
As a child you’ll learn that someone you love immensely will belittle someone else to you or to someone within ear shot. They don’t realize that same person has only good things to say about them. Once you grow up you realize that love means different things to people based on the way they grew up. It’s like that big brother you love & just want to be included in ANYTHING he does…but you’re that annoying little brother who just won’t leave him alone. Remember that as you’re raising your babies & they shun siblings.
2. Marriage for some is just a way to prove you’re not messed up.
This one became obvious as I got older. Some people marry others for convenience…I.e. their alimony is ending & they need income, their house belonged to their ex, they needed to prove there were reasons for their affairs, they needed help raising their kids, or they needed that trophy for work to take to meetings and such. Some people will lie to obtain the life they feel they deserve, or they’ll lie knowing the partner they choose has even deeper issues. At the end of the day if kids are involved you’re being selfish. Kids love seeing that their parent or parents can do things with them without the help of a mistress, or a parent, or a grandparent. They love random things & the best part is that it doesn’t take much to surprise them!
3. Words can hurt, and they do.
I’ve been blamed for things I never even knew I did. I’ve had people flip out at me for things I did that weren’t even malicious, I just messed up. I’ve been called a shitty parent because I was trying to raise my kids the best way I knew possible…and shockingly most of those accusations came from people who also claimed I was the best parent ever. (Ironic, huh?) It’s even more of a shock when the person used to be on your side but has since decided you were the problem. I’ve learned that if you just talk to someone when the problem appears things are so much easier…and come at them with I statements! Don’t tell someone what you think they are.
4. Kids are easy to please.
My 5-year-old told me tonight he’s moving to Australia. I offered to help him pack his bag. Just 20 min later he was cuddled up next to me telling me he never wants to leave me. They don’t care if you spend $1000 on a new iPad. They don’t care if you buy them the newest things. They want you to show up for them when it matters to them. Learn their love languages. I have FIVE kids, each with a different love language…and as they grow their love languages change so you have to keep up with them. I’ve let my kids choose themed days. Murder Mystery? Disney? Minecraft? Fancy? Forts? Got it.
5. Just because someone claims to be saved doesn’t mean they are.
One of the hardest things I had to come to terms with was that just because someone went to church didn’t mean they were a safe person. Sin is everywhere. Sin comes in all shapes & sizes. Did you call your sister-in-law a bitch? Sin. Did you say God D***nit? Sin. Did you murder? Sin. Sins don’t have sizes. They’re all equal. You may “not sin as bad as your neighbor” but you sinned. And it is just as bad. Deal with it.
6. Dishes suck.
Yeah. They just do. They show up day after day & there’s nothing you can do about it.
7. Abuse is Abuse.
Did he, unprovoked, call you a c*nt once but he was drunk? Run. Did she, unprovoked, tell you that you’re cheating? Run. Is she telling your kids they are lying but you know they’re being honest? Run. Did she hide money from you after she got caught cheating? Or she spit in your face? Or she strangled you? Run. And report that ish. Now. Not tomorrow. Now. Don’t lift that restraining order because they swear they’re getting the help they didn’t during your 10 year marriage or six month relationship. They’re lying. You know you made the right choice when you removed yourself from the relationship & you try to ask them about introducing possible partners to the kids and they flip out at you like you cheated! Umm chick, you filed for divorce from him. AND – if things seem to be getting hostile let the other person leave. Or YOU leave. 24? 48? 72 hours? Whatever. Take time to re-evaluate things & then talk. In a public place or with a third party. You’ll thank me later.
8. Nothing shocks me anymore.
When someone says they “just had one” drink they’ve had more. Dares don’t HAVE to be completed…or you will end up stuck needing professional help. If someone says don’t ask…DON’T ASK. Unless it’s your job…then ask but record that $hit! Just because you say you can drive doesn’t mean you should…Floridians – avoid snow. Northerners – avoid sand.
9. Laundry sucks too…
Here’s my words of wisdom…each kid adds two loads of laundry a week. Don’t ask me how. They just do…
10. Don’t label people
Way back as a kid I was labeled a tomboy…I still can’t apply makeup or dress extra cute! But seriously…we all make mistakes. The worst thing you can do to a kid is label them a failure or a liar. They’ll hold onto that. Your kid says that you hurt them? Accept that & work with that kid to fix it. That simple. Did you lie to your wife about dumb crap, like purchases or returns? No big deal…if you’re honest. Hiding the evidence where she or he will find it – not the best. And you’re an idiot. But…you can still not be an idiot if you try to change!
I didn’t cite sources in this but seriously, Google is your best friend! Love you! Yes, I even love you…probably more than you love me 😉